Just Me; Stripped, Raw, And Real

Purity Battle Plan

2011-07-18T10:04:00.000-07:00

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word."

-Psalm 119:9

I've been thinking a lot recently about how it's possible for us as men to stay completely pure in our actions AND thoughts... We can all say that we know it's POSSIBLE, but I know that for me, I need a reminder so very often that it's more than just POSSIBLE.

Why?

Because we are "More than conquerors" in Christ Jesus.

It's funny because the more that I set my eyes or mind on how big the problem of impurity is in the world, the more discouraged I become with the hope that we will be able to stand against it in strength. Not just holding our ground, but taking ground BACK for the standards we have stooped down to, and once again setting the purity-standard higher for ourselves.

BUT.

The more that I stop looking at how "big" the problem is, and instead look to what scripture says about how to WIN... I start getting really excited.

Why do I get excited? Because God is so much smarter than Satan, and a much better war general.

It's really time to start forming a battle plan against this thing, instead of running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Really.

So what's the first step?

It's summed up with these two verses:

Romans 8:5-6

"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."

Galatians 5:16-17

"I say then, walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish."

It's simply to focus on the Spirit. On Jesus.

As we choose to look to Jesus despite when we fall down, we will find ourselves slowly drawn further and further away from all things that aren't in Jesus.

Let me use one more Bible passage to illustrate what I mean...

This story is about king Jehoshaphat in 2Chronicles 20.

Basically what happens is that the king gets informed that this HUGE army is coming up against him that he really has no chance of winning against. He found out and called his city to fast and then went to God with a prayer, which he finished with this phrase:

^"O our God, will you not execute judgment on them? For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you." -2Chronicles 20:12

And what does God do? He responds in this way just a little bit further on in the passage:

"Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God’s... You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem." -2Chronicles 20:15-17

God says "Fix your eyes on ME, not your problem, and I will fight for you."

That's our first step- get our eyes off of the problem and onto God, and He will be the one who works for our salvation.

He told me once "Jeshua... how much more could you be getting to know me-how much deeper could we be going if you didn't spend so much time focusing cleaning yourself from all your sin and problems? That's my job."

There is so much freedom in that... thank you, Jesus.

Guys... (And Girls).

Our step into purity is to focus on God. Even when we fall.

It's simple, and almost frustratingly so.

We just keep re-directing our gaze on him, and HE will be the one to pull us away from all the junk that tries to close in on us.

That's why it is more than just POSSIBLE to win. That's why it's probable.

Because it doesn't depend on our strength.

He fights Satan, our part in the fight is to choose Him to fight for us.

There is MORE than just a hope, we have a living hope that will never fail because those who hope in the LORD will NEVER be put to shame.

Weird story from our last day in Veracruz

2011-02-04T08:41:00.000-08:00

February 1^st, our last night in Veracruz, the team went out to a fancy restaurant to eat out as a group. As we were waiting to eat, one of the girls named Jessie saw a man slip and fall and hit his head on the rocks by the water. I ran outside to make sure he was okay, and another student named Nathan Mcmahon followed close behind me to help out. We hopped the railing down onto the large rocks and reached the man to see if he was okay. He was standing but could not keep his balance on the rocks at all; he was having immense trouble standing. Me and Nathan ran down to him and grabbed him by the arms and helped him to walk up the rocks. I was worried that he suffered from brain damage so I started asking him questions like “what’s your name?”, “where do you live?”, and “do you have family?”. He still could not stand well but he started answering me in English and said that his name was Jose-Manuel-Hernan-(I don’t remember the last name). At first I did not notice that he was speaking in English but then I realized and was actually very impressed at his fluency! We sat him down and kept talking with him, asking him what he had been doing (drinking) and why he was walking down by the rocks. We found out that his father had died in the water (he did not answer us how or how long ago it was), and he was really torn up about this death. From what he was saying, we think that he was actually on the verge of wanting to kill himself.

We started talking to him about another Father that he had, and what HE thought about him, and God started revealing to me good character traits that this man has like his generosity and love for people. We sat there for a long time just talking with him as he cycled between crying, yelling, and laughing. At one point he said that GOD was the one who commanded the death of his dad, but we got to reveal that lie in the light and tell him that God is the one who wants to give him life again and hope. He was responding really well to this and we could see the stuff we were saying slowly hitting home with him. But at this point it got kind of strange.

A number of times while we were talking with him, he kept saying “I do not speak English, I do not speak English”, but he WAS speaking English very well so we kept on telling him that he was really good! But another thing that he kept saying was “I cannot understand you up here (pointing to his head), but I understand you in here (pointing to his heart.)” It didn’t really compute what was going on until this point.

We asked him if we could pray for him and immediately he started doing some sort of a chant, shut his eyes and did some multi-tonal humming thing like monks would do. We both knew that some spiritual warfare was happening so we started praying for him right there. While we were praying, I was standing in front of him and he opened his eyes and looked right at me, so I kept praying for him looking right at him until he slowly started to come back under control and seemed to have a new peace about him. He was sobered up, and was now able to stand on his own without losing his balance.

The strange thing though was that although he was now sober and his equilibrium was restored, his ability to speak English was slowly going away. His fluency changed to him not being able to understand simple phrases like “did you walk here?” Normally I would be worried about brain damage, but then we remembered how earlier he had kept saying, “I don’t speak English, I don’t speak English.” And then we realized that we think God gave him supernatural comprehension of English while he was drunk that went away as he was being restored.

We kept on talking with him with our broken Spanish and asked him how he felt. He could not remember falling on the rocks, but he had no pain in his head and he remembered key points in our conversation with him in English about God and the love that He has for His children. He said that he loved us and kept saying “Dios te bendiga, Dios te bendiga (God bless you).” Nathan had some money on him and we used that to buy Jose a taxi home.

A crazy and majorly confusing story, but I know that God worked in it!

It's currently friday morning, and I head back to Colorado tomorrow to spend a week back at the base and then I'll be home the 12th! I can't wait to see you guys again.

Second Mexico Video Update!

2011-02-02T21:40:00.000-08:00

Our second video update is here!

If you're looking for me, I should be in the next and final video update. I was going to be in this one but we had a footage mix-up. In this video, however, I am the guy who controls the green puppet everywhere except for in the classroom (I was on a different team that day), and I am also the guy at the end in the red shirt in one of our drama scenes!

This past week in Veracruz

2011-01-31T19:21:00.000-08:00

Hello guys! I'm trying to keep you updated more so here's the official email update for our team =]

Our time in Veracruz has been awesome! It seems like this outreach is flying by and crawling at the same time right now haha. This week, we've ministered in parks, in a slum, in a prison, in a hospital and in a few schools! We saw many people come to Christ and we prayed for many others for different things in their lives. We were not able to speak directly about God in the public schools, but we did a number of our dramas and taught them about values and in a good handful of occasions got to teach them in-depth principles of God's heart, which rocked!

When we went to the hospital we found out that only one visitor was allowed inside at a time, so relatives would stay and sleep outside the hospital for MONTHS at a time waiting for their turns to go in and visit. So we went and entertained them and talked/ prayed with them.

At the prison, we did a bunch of our dramas and gave a gospel message, and then prayed for people to accept Jesus, for physical healing, and for any other problems or whatever that they needed prayer for in their lives. After that we were invited to face the inmates in 3 games of volleyball (muahaha =]) So we divided up into 3 teams and my team won the first game (just a fun side fact haha. So much fun.)

On another note, our contacts here have been amazing. They have really stolen our hearts with their love and kindness. We had told the local Church that we were looking for housing and they hooked us up with a big house for free!
On Saturday we baptized three of the students in our school for the first time which is super exciting! They have all been growing a ton and wanted to publicly declare their trust in God.

That's the main update for you guys, but here's a cool testimony that I think you'll really enjoy!

On Sunday, we did some ministry in a park nearby the very first Church in the Americas. After we did our dramas and shared the gospel, an 18 year old boy named Moses came up to us. He said he didn't know why he was there, but something told him to come. He was really nervous and was trembling as we talked with him. He told us he was in the religion of Santa Muerte (Holy Death). He had an idol around his neck and also a big one in his backpack. We talked with him and asked him if he wanted prayer. He refused at first, saying he was afraid. He said the idol gave him power and told him what to do. After a while, he accepted prayer and we prayed and took authority over the evil spirits controlling him. He then said he felt more at peace. When we prayed with him to receive Jesus in his heart, he said he couldn't repeat the words "Lord Jesus". We told him to take off the idol on his neck and the backpack he was wearing, and suddenly he was able to pray the "sinners prayer" with us. It was really cool to see the transformation. He still has lots of hard decisions to make about his lifestyle, but he said he was no longer afraid.

--Praise our God, who breaks every chain by His love and kindness!

-Jeshua

wowowowowow this is not how I expected.

2011-01-23T16:04:00.000-08:00

Wowww sooo much has happened here!

I first want to apologize, I have not (as you have been able to see) been able to keep up this blog in a long time, especially during the outreach.

Life here has been so crazy busy.

We are currently 4 weeks into outreach, and we just switched locations to Veracruz to help a church out here. For the last 4 weeks we have been in a town called Xochimilco with an organization called MegaCities. We have been working to partner with the local churches in outreaches, teaching them our dramas and equipping them to continue going out and doing evangelism in their city as we leave. We made a LOT of great friends there who were really hard to say goodbye to. We saw around 200 people come to know Jesus during the 4 weeks we were in Xochimilco, PRAISE GOD! But 3 of the dearest to our hearts have come from these three teen guys: Omar, Chris, and Deter. They hung out across the street from where we were staying all the time and we invested in becoming good friends with them. We never pushed anything on them like the former groups who have been there before, but we invested in being friends and inviting them to things like bonfires or hearing our testimonies. We were praying for them intensely and the second to last night we were there, both Omar and Chris gave their lives to God. Omar had never even accepted prayer from us before, but suddenly he was asking for prayer for him and everything in his life and he WANTED to accept Jesus in his life. The very last night, Deter joined them and chose to accept Jesus in his heart. We're praying that God takes care of those seeds and tends to them to help them grow.

We have one video update so far: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBFwgNSi0-o, and we should have one more coming that I can post on here. Other than that, I'll record myself on my camera talking about some more detailed bits of our trip so far. Two testimonies that have been really shaping for me this outreach:

1) One Sunday morning, I got to speak at “Cristo te Ama” church about manifesting God’s love wherever you go, and how that applies to their heart for their city. I did my best to call out their loving, servant-hearted character and challenge them to use that to reach their community. When I got done speaking, I asked people to come forward for prayer who wanted to be commissioned to going out and demonstrating God's love in Xochimilco city. About 25-30 people all came forward to receive Holy Spirit to fill them and to be commissioned to go into their city purposefully demonstrating God's love to people around them.

2) One day our team was eating at a popular taco stand, and I was talking with our team's translator/ local pastor's son named Elio. As we were talking I looked over and saw a homeless man sitting down and I felt like we should go over and talk with him. Elio was hesitant at first but agreed and we walked over to start talking with the man. We found out his name was José, and he had been drinking. He has an addiction to alcohol and was being very hard on himself, saying that he doesn’t know why he screws up his life like this. I got to start speaking worth and purpose into José’s life, and encourage him along with Elio. I started doing most of the talking, but then it switched more and more as Elio gained so much compassion for this man, that he took over the entire conversation and started ministering God's love to Him. We got to pray with José and bless him with buying him some food (that he didn't feel like he deserved) from the taco stand). The best part was talking with Elio afterwards and hearing how God melted his heart for not only José, but everyone else in his similar position. Now Elio has more compassion than ever before for the everyday people of his community.

__________

again, I apologize so much for not being able to update this much more often, but I will do the best I can to fill you in on all that has happened!

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers!

God's love,

~Jeshua

Fear of the Lord & Spiritual Warfare

2010-11-14T11:24:00.000-08:00

Alright, so two more weeks have passed (already) and a lot has been going on.

We had our week of teaching on Fear of the Lord the first week of November, and it was really really good. I had heard the phrase "fear of the Lord" here and there, but I never really knew what it meant. I didn't understand how I can be a friend of God and fear Him at the same time, but slowly I began to understand the balance of being a friend of God and the fact that I am his son, and that He has the authority over me to discipline me when I disobey. Sometimes at home, I don't obey my dad because it's just my JOY to do what he's asking me to, but because I know WHO he is in relation to me.

I feel like I'm just beginning to scratch the surface of a key to a huge door of intimacy with God. Total obedience to God when I don't understand why or when it's hard, hating sin and seeing it the same way that God sees it, humility... They're all parts of having Fear of the Lord.

I was asking God what it was that was going to separate me into the ranks of those people who have a truly intimate relationship with Him (such as Heidi Baker, Todd White, Smith Wigglesworth, etc.), and God just revealed to me that me learning Fear of the Lord would be one thing that would play a huge role in that, so I'm working on it!

We have a designated hour in the mornings that we're supposed to spend time with God (which is awesome.) but it's hard occasionally to spend time with God surrounded by other people, so I have been working on getting up earlier in the mornings so I can spend time with God before breakfast for an hour and then have the regular hour God time after breakfast as a continuation. It has been hard to wake up that early, but the discipline is good to learn and God is meeting me there and I can definitely see the difference it is making.

This last week we went up to our campus in the mountains called "Eagle Rock" and spent the week up there with the Young Peoples' DTS for Spiritual Warfare week. It was beautiful up there, and it was a really good idea to spend Spiritual Warfare week secluded up in the mountains, because there really was a lot of Spiritual Warfare going on. I, along with a lot of the other guys and girls up there got really sick and were not sleeping well. It was really hard to pay attention in class for a lot of us (which I somewhat expected), but as the week went on it got easier to pay attention. We learned how to take a stand against Satan, and the lie that sickness or suffering or things like that come from God. Some people never fight against Satan because they just think that God causes everything good and bad to happen! That's pretty much the religion of Islam, not Christianity. So we exposed the lies and learned to take a strong stand against Satan. The most Satan can do without our permission is attempt an attack. The rest happens because we do not take a stand, or we have given him a foothold in our lives to use.

We packed up and went back to our base Friday morning, and Friday night I went to go to Kingdom Night (The optional weekly outreach we have to Lo-do). I was really tired, but I felt like God wanted me to go, so I did. It was awesome because as we were going along passing out free hot chocolate and sweaters, I came across two guys at separate times that I had already met an ministered to in previous weeks! They remembered who I was and God was just able to continue His ministry to them through me in that moment. It was so awesome to catch up with them and pray with them again. I know it was a blessing to them to see a familiar face and have a conversation.

Then on SATURDAY night (yesterday), United Pursuit Band came to lead worship for us for 2 and a half hours, and oh MAN it was awesome. God started freeing me up to dance during worship (which was uncomfortable at first, but God really pushed me to do it and used that obedience to bring blessing). Holy Spirit moved really powerfully, and I'm so glad that a lot of the guys here got to see worship like this because I know that some of them will never be satisfied to just "sing songs" again. Two people during the night came and told me that they felt like God was was telling me that I had the Spirit of David in the way that he was recklessly abandoned to God in his lifestyle and in the way he worshiped God. How he danced before God and did not care what other people thought. It was SO encouraging because that sort of abandonment to God is what I have been pressing for.

I am really excited for this upcoming week because it is Holy Spirit week! And this could be the critical point for a lot of the students here and their walks/ belief in God. It broke my heart because there is one guy here who, during spiritual warfare week, decided that he is now an Agnostic. I am praying for Him (and would appreciate your prayers for him, too!), and am really praying that God would come and meet him in a powerful way during Holy Spirit week.

That's all for now! I SO appreciate all of your prayers, and thank you again for supporting me and making this whole thing possible! I look forward to coming home and seeing as many of you as I can over thanksgiving weekend!

With Blessings,

-Jeshua Frederick

PRAYER REQUESTS:

1) That I would be able to keep my eyes focused on what God is focused on

2) That everyone's money would come in for their outreach

3) That God would come and personally meet the guy in our DTS (purposefully remaining unnamed) who decided to become Agnostic, and that healing would be brought to him.

4) Just pray that God would move in insane, crazy ways during Holy Spirit week, and that lives (including mine) would be changed.

One Month Gone By

2010-10-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

Alright, here's my second official update for all you Beloved ones of mine back home!
We just got back from a week-long outreach to Lower Downtown Denver (that's why this update is a little bit late) and it was amazing!

As a group, the guys and girls who are with me in this DTS are all getting really tight, and God is doing amazing stuff! The guys recently got a minor correction for staying up until 1:00am praying for people when lights off on the weekend was supposed to be 11:30pm haha. We just started praying, and God started moving, and we just...kept going...and going. A lot of us chose to do a fast for a week last week (I did a food fast where I only ate breakfast everyday), and I feel like that submission to God really opened up our hearts to receive more from him.

We learned our lesson, but it's so cool because what started as God moving through me and teaching me to move in my authority has transformed. God has been using me to teach the other guys here by example and then including them and calling them out to pray and encouraging them. It's really crazy and humbling because I know God has been using me to help transform the lives of these guys. Some guys who have never even prayed before are now prophesying and commanding physical healing in their authority in God as a son...because that's just what they've seen to work. They are growing as men of God and getting filled with the Spirit, having personal encounters with God, and they are being transformed in front of my eyes. Me as well! I am still learning about obedience, and I am learning to get joy from worshipping God by serving others. Learning to adopt the attitude of "Whatever you do, do it as unto the Lord".

Our week-long outreach to LODO was amazing. We helped out at a homeless shelter the first night. The second night we learned a LOT about homeless ministry and then went on a prayer walk for the homeless throughout the city carrying with us water, granola bars, and hand warmers. We got to minister to a lot of homeless and bless them in amazing ways =].
The next night we each got a dollar, split up into groups of 3 or 4, and then we prayed and asked God to show us what to buy with the money, and who to give it to. We only had about an hour to do this, so it was fast but God did amazing things again!
For instance, one group bought a blanket, and they found a homeless man and told him that they felt like God told them to give this blanket to him. The man responded by saying "That's incredible. I was walking along and I found a pillow just sitting on the street, but it's really cold outside and I literally just prayed to God for a blanket to keep me warm." That's amazing!
And then the last night was the best. We took acoustic instruments into downtown and set up and started having an intense worship session in the middle of a high-traffic area. Some of us had cardboard signs that read "Do you need Peace?" (or other fruits of the Spirit), and as we were worshipping, a TON of people came and stopped to listen. It was fun to see people walk right by us without stopping...then stop...then turn around and come back haha. As people stopped, we started talking with them, and the worship provided for an environment where it was just...EASY to talk to people about God, and soooooooo many people got so incredibly blessed.

Our teaching last week was about the Father Heart of God, and that was a huge mark in the ground where strongholds of Satan just got CRUSHED in every single person here. For me, personally, I have an AMAZING father. It hasn't been a hard thing to imagine that God loves me as a Father, and I have always related to God as my Father because of how awesome my dad is. But during this week, God just showed me that even though I see God's love for me as a Father as a good thing etc... That I STILL had His love for me in a box. That my earthly father's love for me is amazing, but it still doesn't compare to God's love for me. I never realized that I had a box around God's Father-love for me! But he began to break that box down even more and show me that even though I had a good view of God as a loving father... that I still had too small of a view of His love.

This week we just wrapped up the "Worldview and Kingdom of God" teaching series. We learned a lot about the different views like socialism, communism, different religions like Islam, and how Christianity and the Kingdom of God compares to all of that. We got challenged in our thoughts, and we got pushed to really take our questions and bring them to God, to really seek them out and find out what the TRUTH is.

What else has been going on.....hmmmm....so much to remember...
I might have to start doing this once a week.
No joke.
I know I must be missing some things.

I don't know. If I remember things, I'll just have to make another post.

Personally, in my heart, God is doing a lot.
A lot of it is obedience and learning to balance my knowledge of who I am in God with humility.
Developing a focus that never strays from God in the midst of things pulling for it.
Last Saturday, we were at a healing seminar and during the lunch break, one of the leaders and two of my friends and me were talking... and they somehow unearthed that I was learning to not be held back by old rejection that I have been dealing with from my past. And they told me that they felt like God wanted me to say "I am a mighty man of God"... that was hard for me to do.. but I eventually said it out of obedience, and they made me say it a number more times. It was still hard though. Then one day I took a walk with God, and as a friend He told me/ almost suggested to me that I should shout out "I am a mighty man of God, a Son of God, and God's friend" at the top of my lungs. It was strange because he didn't command it. He suggested it as my friend, and gently walked beside me encouraging me until I finally did it, and there was definitely a release there. I think I'm learning what it means to be a son and a friend of God at the same time.
It's weird that God wants me to know that I am a "mighty man of God", but He's instilling that in my identity, and I am learning to believe that and move according to that knowledge in submission to God. While all the while still learning humility and focus on God. I've always dreamed of doing amazing things for God, but now it's like God is telling me that He CHOSE me for THAT. EXACT. THING.....that's hard to wrap my head around, but I'm getting there.

I just want to finish by saying thank you guys again for everything.
All your prayers and financial support have been such a huge blessing to me and even the other guys here. One girl here was able to raise 1,700 dollars in a matter of hours (it was her last day to raise the money or she would have had to be sent home) because everyone came together in prayer and support for her, and as a result of that, God provided and she was able to stay! Every single person here who was lacking in money has so far gotten provided for =].

PRAYER REQUESTS:
1) A lot of us have gotten sick after we came back from the LODO outreach. Painful throats and massive congestion.
2) Pray for clarity and discernment for me, that I would know what God is working on with me and how to cooperate with Him in that. I want Him to do everything he wants to in me while I'm here, but sometimes my head just feels so clouded that I just have no idea what He's saying or doing.
3) Along with that, I still need prayer that I would be strengthened to obey God in all He asks of me.
4) I would learn who I am in God more and more, and learn the balance of confidence in that with humility.
5) I need prayer that God would help me focus on Him. I know that I learn to focus on God in the midst of distractions, but I feel like the distractions have already appeared and now I need help to focus on God in the midst of them.
6) To develop "the gentleness that comes from having strength under control".

---I know that's a lot, but your prayers seriously make a tangible difference over here, so thank you thank you thank you! I cannot forget that I wouldn't be here without your amazing generosity. I look forward to seeing hopefully a lot of you over thanksgiving (I will be back from Wednesday night to Sunday midday)!

Thank you all again!
-Jeshua David Frederick

God's having fun in Colorado!

2010-10-10T18:15:00.001-07:00

Alright it is officially 10/10/10!
I know it hasn't been officially two weeks since I've been here in Colorado yet, I still have one more day... But 1) It FEELS like I've already been here a month because of how much we are doing, and 2)...my schedule allows more time to sit down and write on sundays than it does on mondays.

Okay let me give you an update on how things are going over here!
The first week was pretty much just bonding, getting to know the other people here, and getting to know the guidelines and schedule and everything. The second week we kicked right off into the first topic called "Character of God" with teacher Blake Mattocks.
We have about 2-3 sessions of teaching each day on the "topic of the week" besides friday (where we have 1 session and then go to downtown Denver for outreach!)
Our week days are packed to the brim with sessions, outreach, small groups, worship 3 times a week, intercession, outreach preparation classes, and we also have a book to read with a book report due approximately every two weeks. It's not what I expected, it's a lot harder (haha) but SOOOO much better than I even thought it would be.

So that's what my schedule looks like. It's pretty crazy, but so good. That's why it feels like I've been here for so long, because every day is packed with so much stuff! I found out from the staff here that in these 5 months that I am attending YWAM, we are getting more than if we attended church every sunday and wednesday for over 4 years straight!

So much has happened since I've been here.
I'll start by telling you some personal stuff that has happened just in the past week and a half:

Some people told me before I came here that they felt like God would be teaching me obedience and respect for Him as my Father, and that's pretty much right on.
We had a session one day where we watched a teaching by the founder of YWAM, Loren Cunningham, on relinquishing our rights. Rights such as our right to family, right to have money, right to have the job we want, etc. He was teaching on relinquishing those rights to God.
Then what the staff did, was they made almost a ceremony-type-thing where they had a bunch of lit candles in the middle of the room, with a bunch of half-shot-glass sized candles with "psalm 40:3" inscribed on them. What they asked us to do was spend some time with God and ask Him if there was anything that He wanted us to relinquish, and then relinquish it. Once we did, we could take one of the small candles and we were free to go. If we didn't feel like we were ready yet, we could leave and then once we were ready we could tell the school leader and get our candle.
I sat down with God and asked Him what He wanted me to relinquish to Him, and I feel like just to kill some pride in me He proceeded by giving me a page and a quarter's worth of things He wanted me to relinquish! But nothing seemed too hard until He ended by saying "Jeshua, I want you to relinquish your right to tell me NO"
That was hard. I struggled with it for a long time because I didn't even realize that I had that as a safeguard. If God asked me anything that seemed too hard, I could just tell Him no. I finally got on my knees and said "okay God, I relinquish my right to tell you no." And He responded by saying "say it louder." so I did, and every time I did, He kept on saying "say it louder!" and eventually I was just like "GOD! If I say it any louder, I will be yelling and people will be distracted and they'll hear me from the other side of the room!" and He just said "Jeshua, are you telling me no?"
So I continued to struggle (I have NEVER yelled anything like this before. It's just not in my personality. Not even if I'm alone in a car. It's just so contrary to everything in me!) and I called my school leader over and told Him what was going on, and I was kind of hoping he would say that it was against the flow of what God was doing at the moment or something like that so that I wouldn't have to, but he pushed me to do it all the more! He said "Jeshua, I feel like you should just go and stand in the front of the room, face everyone, and shout it as loud as you can."
Not what I was looking for.
Eventually he told me that he just felt like it would really bless God's heart if I did. So. I finally gathered up my stuff, went to the front of the room and yelled it out!
Then I grabbed my candle and hustled out of there as fast as I could haha.
But it was the start of something huge.

Later on that night I was talking with God in the middle of a soccer field and I felt like he wanted me to do it again, and I was struggling again but I was working myself up to doing it, but just as I was going to, I got a phone call. So I just yelled it out and answered the phone, but as soon as I answered I just felt like "man, that was a half-hearted yell"

So I was talking with God about it the next morning in my quiet time, but he said that He counted it to me as obedience. I was torn and asked Him, "God, what should I do? Should I shout it again?" but He just said "the time to shout for me will come again soon, just spend this time with me." so I did. I didn't really catch that he said "the time to shout for me will come again soon" though. Until what happened next.

Right after my God time, it was time for worship.
During worship, it was a really slow song and I felt like God said "okay Jeshua, shout my name as loud as you can."
And I had a REALLY hard time with this because the first time I shouted there was only between 10-20 people in the room. Now there was over a hundred people in the small-medium sized room and I would most definitely be noticed even more.
But he kept on pushing and pushing and I just started crying and clenching my teeth because it was so hard! I knew I told God I wouldn't tell Him no, so I had to, but it felt like I just couldn't because I was so...scared?
Just as I was struggling with this, a staffer came up to me and he said "Jeshua, I got two pictures that I feel are for you. One is of a powerful, powerful man of God! He is strong and mature in the things of the Spirit and he is moving fluently in them...and the second picture is of you beaten, torn up, thrown out, battered, bruised, and completely destroyed. And I feel like God is saying that right now you have to CHOOSE between those two pictures."
And right as he said that I just couldn't take it any more. I was crying in distress so hard and clenching my teeth so tightly together that I wouldn't have been surprised if some of them broke and fell out of my mouth. But then he started praying for me and ironically the song they started playing had the words "Be my everything" repeating over and over, and I could just feel God pushing me. Right in that moment I know there was a war going on over me, and finally, louder than I have EVER EVER yelled in my entire life, I just clenched my fists and yelled "Jesus! Jesus! I want you Jesus! Jesus!"
Those four things.
I yelled so loud that my voice was scratching and tearing, and right then I just...couldn't stand any more.
I didn't start shaking, and it wasn't like someone knocked me over.
I just simply... couldn't stand.
I plopped down on my butt right there just crying and trembling because of what I just did, and people started praying for me.

I heard the leaders talking later in a debrief session, and they said that they had never seen Holy Spirit come in power like that during the first week in all their years of being here. I wasn't paying attention, but I found out that after that point, God broke through and was moving powerfully all over the room!

As I was talking with God later about it, He told me that He put His foot down in my life and gave me a fork in the road. I chose which path (which picture) I wanted to walk down, and now He is going to guide me down that path and not let me escape from it. That was the first week, and after that I can't even describe the rest of what happened.

I...humbly say that it feels like God has given me a whole new level of spiritual authority while I'm here.
Before I came, people also told me that they felt like God would put me in a position of leadership here where other people would be coming to me and I would be able to encourage them and push them forward into things of God.

A lot of the guys here are here because they are just trying to get their lives in order, so I'm in a position where I have been able to really encourage and pray for them, and tell them what I feel is on God's heart for them. Because of that, a lot of the guys here have opened up to me and trusted me with personal stuff, and I've been put in a position where I can really be used by God to touch their hearts and lives.

It also feels like I'm understanding more the authority I have in Christ while I'm here. I'm becoming recognized as the guy who is willing to pray for anyone for anything in love and care for that person, which is awesome!
I prayed for one girl who had just developed severe lactose intolerance, and now she is completely healed of it!

One guy I prayed for on the street during outreach got healed from arthritis and back pain.

Another girl on our team was experiencing severe allergies because of people smoking downtown. She couldn't breathe and her stomach was in a lot of pain. We prayed for her once, and she got a little better. But we prayed for her again, and God revealed to me that he wanted to share with her the reason why he was going to heal her all the way before He fully healed her. So I started sharing what God put on my heart and it was exactly what she needed, and she said that as I was talking God was healing her even more, and then we prayed one more time and she was completely healed! We talked with her later and found out that the smoke didn't bother her at ALL after that for the rest of the night!

Those are just some of the stories of what has been going on here.
Thank you so much for supporting me financially and through prayer to make this growth possible!

some prayer requests I have:
1) That I would be able to well-maintain a personal relationship with God on top of all the public teachings and stuff. Sometimes I forget that I still need to pursue God in secret even in the atmosphere of a place like YWAM where everything is focused on God.
2) That I would learn to listen and be obedient to everything God wants me to do.
3) A lot of the guys and girls here still need their outreach money to be provided for, so pray that God will provide for them!

I'm going to talk with my school leader and get him to start an outreach fund for the people who need it. Thanks to all of you, God provided more than I need for all of my school AND outreach, so I am going to put any extra money I have into this fund.

If you feel led to support any of them, you can mail in support checks made out to "YWAM DENVER"
The mailing address would be:

Jeshua Frederick
Youth With A Mission Denver
12750 W. 63rd Ave
Arvada CO 80004

ALL CHECKS THAT COME IN WILL GO 100% INTO THE OUTREACH FUND FOR THE OTHER STUDENTS HERE WHO STILL NEED MONEY!

Thank you guys again for helping me get here, and for praying for me!
God's doing great things here in Colorado and in my life and the lives of the other people here.
God's love,
-Jeshua Frederick

YWAM 09/27/10

2010-09-27T20:58:00.000-07:00

I finally made it!
yeesh I'm so tired, too.
I just wanted to get my first post out there for you guys and just say a huge thank you! I got all the money I needed for my tuition and more! Thank you all so so so so much. I'm still getting used to the altitude here, but I'm looking forward to jumping in with all that's planned for here. We've had one short worship time which was awesome and God is definitely here and wants to do stuff for sure.

I'm not going to go too long on this first post because...well... not much has happened so far haha.

Just please pray that I regain my sleep, make some solid friends, and that I would be able to give my all to God, be myself, and follow his leading here.

God's love,
-Jeshua

πραΰτης - Prautes

2010-01-04T23:15:00.000-08:00

πραΰτης - Prautes (prounounced prah-oo'-tace)

Definition: meekness (as found in Matthew 5:4)

Greek definition: Meekness- the Gentleness that is 'strength under control'

What an amazing thing to have...
To listen more than you speak, not because you don't have an opinion...
but because you have the strength to know when and how to voice it.

To be able to turn the other cheek, not out of a place of being too weak to stand up for yourself,
but out of a place of being strong enough to not fight back.

Not taking advantage of people.
Having security enough that we don't feel the need to prove strength when it's questioned.

This is just something God highlighted to me a while ago, and I just love it every time I come across it.
We say we want to be like Jesus, and Jesus embodied this lifestyle so well.
If you look at Jesus' life, it's obvious he was no wimp.
But at the same time, he had control over all the strength in him.

How much more powerful is the strength if you can control it?
How much more powerful is this army of God?

My Psalms; 4

2009-11-20T06:30:00.000-08:00

Lord, who can come before You and not be changed?
Your loving kindness is more than I can bear
Your presence is overwhelming
Your passion ignites my very soul, And the burning threatens to explode in me

I am in this place of overflowing, and yet I'm wanting more
I only desire to know You, Lord.
To worship You in Your glory,
Behold You in all of Your beauty,
To dwell with You forever in Your Holy place, transfixed by Your majesty.

Draw me near, Lord
I know I am unclean and unworthy,
but I plead with You to cleanse me again from all my iniquity
To make me pure again in Your sight
That You would look on Your humble servant with favor
With a smile for me, and a twinkle in Your eye.

I long for you to draw me in like a Father holds his child,
For You to wrap Your arms around me,
Lift me up off my feet and hold me close.

Kiss my head,
Speak to me,
And draw me near.

My Psalms; 3

2009-11-20T06:23:00.000-08:00

You, Lord, are like the waters;
A display of Your awesome might in every crashing wave,
With every raging Tsunami.
Yet You choose to be the soothing stream, and the calm, pure waters.

You are like the winds;
Such force rips the strongest trees from their firm roots,
And tosses them into the ocean with ease.
Yet You choose to be the cooling, gentle breeze;
Blowing softly upon the burned face.

You Lord, again, are like the fire;
Who in all of Heaven could contain Your raging flames?
Nothing would come close.

In the same way the sun outshines the stars during day,
And causes them to be invisible to us;
So Your burning brilliance will cause the sun to hide its own face,
On that day when You show Yours.

Your fire, Oh Lord, would do more than just scathe us.
Nothing can withstand or resist it.
Your fire consumes everything as if it is nothing.
But Lord, You choose to allow us to draw near.

You choose to let us dance in Your presence like these burning flames without harm,
Though we are truly nothing.
Who are we, that you choose to pull us close, and not destroy us with Your fire?

Instead of deserved death, You give us the blessings of Your flame,
So that we would be comforted by Your presence,
Protected in Your glory,
And warmed in Your mercy when the times become cold.

You are the Lion.
The One King,
With all power,
And all control.

Yet You came to us first as a Lamb.

To sacrifice Yourself for us,
That we might look to You,
Be with You,
Know You,
And Love You.
The Lion.
__________________

"...But one of the elders said to me, 'Do not weep. Behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah...' And I looked, and behold, in the midst of the throne and of the four living creatures, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb..."

Revelation 5:5-6

Oath of a Man

2009-11-20T06:22:00.000-08:00

On this day, I make an oath before God, myself and my brothers.
I choose to find my identity in God, not in the world, in another person
or in the works of my hands.
I will not shy away from God's calling in my life;
neither will I try and fulfill my calling in my own strength.
I will instead be led and influenced by Holy Spirit.
I will not seek to fulfill my needs with the things of this world;
but in every area I will be completely dependent on God.
I choose to be a man of purity and integrity in all areas of my life no matter the cost.
I choose to be a man after God's heart, not only after his blessing.
I will not be overcome with fear,
but I will exercise the authority and power God has given me with wisdom and love.
As a man I choose to live my life to these standards.
In accomplishing everything that I've just said I choose to make Jesus my role model.
Like him I will "act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God"- Micah6:8

My Psalms; 2

2009-11-20T06:21:00.000-08:00

Lord, I put my trust in you
For I am not one to boast.
I have no reason to be proud.
My hands haven't done anything on their own.
What is my strength to You, Lord?

I need not worry about these problems that are over my head.
I will still myself, quiet my voice, and sit.

Peace be to the accuser in my head,
Let raging waters be calmed.

I will sit with my Daddy, with my eyes closed in the meadows of his grace.
Knowing I am loved. Knowing I am safe.
In Your rivers of endless mercy I will immerse myself in all my days.

My Psalms; 1

2009-11-20T06:16:00.000-08:00

Lord God be near to me.
It feels like the enemy is constantly trying to attack at the places closest to me.
He ruthlessly batters at my head and my heart trying to gain ground.

Stand firm, oh God and don't back down.
Take your chosen position between me and my enemies
with the determination of a Father defending his son.

When I try to fight alone, I am defeated time and again.
The enemy wreaks terror in my mind, and causes more turmoil than I can bear.
He tries to take away those closest to me, Lord.
Attempting to turn them against me or sever the bonds beyond repair,
Without You there is no hope for me, God.

But You are here.
You are never far from me, gracious Father.
Even when I cannot see You or feel You, I know You are near.
You are looking after me, and have Your eyes fixed upon me.
You are my own personal guardian.

When all else crashes around me with all stops pulled,
You are the one who still stands firm, and you choose to stand in the way.
You place yourself in a protective stance around your servant,
And hide me away from those trying to harm me.

You always have my best interest in mind, heart, and hand.
You consistently and patiently give me reasons to trust in You,
And jump into Your arms
Never getting tired of my slow progress.

You have caused me to believe in Your promises,
That You desire me every day,
That Your love will never fail or leave me,
That I never fall too far into darkness or hopelessness for your redemption,
That You will lead me on Your path all my days,
That You will work all things together for my good.

I know that the things I see as troubles,
You see as opportunity to show me who You really are,
Opportunity to bless me,
Opportunity to grow me.
And You never fail to take advantage of them,
For You desire to express Your love.

Take my life as it is, Lord
Take these crashing walls.
Use them to show me what you have placed on the other side.
A blessing that you have positioned strategically,
To bring beauty from the ashes I see.

Never leave me to do this alone.
Stay strong Lord, and teach me to solely rely on You.
Lead me to a place where I desire only You,
And can freely hold everything else with open hands.
Be my everything, Father.
Let me have more of You.

Come Change Me (Forever More)

2009-08-17T17:51:00.000-07:00

(Chorus)
Come change me
Come change me
Come change me
Come change me

(Verse 1)
Daddy, come and save me
From the mess that is within me
I don't want to hide it anymore,
anymore

(Verse 2)
Father come redeem me
From the mess that is within me
I don't want control anymore,
anymore

(Bridge)
This mess is not my own, anymore, anymore
I lay it all before you, Jesus take control, forever more, forever more
You have died that I might live, so now I choose to live, and live for you only

(Tag) You love me, You chose me, You love me, forever more

(Ending)
Thank You for taking all my pain
Thank You for taking all my shame
Thank You for taking all my weakness,
And using it, for Your glory

My Testimony

2009-06-05T20:27:00.001-07:00

This is the testimony I wrote for the Worship and Intercessory school I want to go to next year.

The purpose of me posting this is because I hope that in reading it, you guys (and girls) might be encouraged, gain a little hope or faith, or that God would be able to speak to you through what he has done for me, and to bring glory to God for how he does not stop his relentless pursuit of our hearts until he has every part of us immersed in himself.
This is part of why I am so thankful to him.
____________________

I grew up in a Christian home and my parents are both pastors, so my testimony is not one like Saul being knocked off of his horse by the power of God and hearing his voice ask me why I am living the way I am. My testimony is a testimony of pursuit, of grace, of confirmation, restoration, promise, and conviction.

God has been involved in and fighting for my life ever since it started. I am not supposed to be alive today, but I am because of God’s grace. I was born five weeks premature, and immediately there were complications that threatened my life. I had massive internal bleeding in my brain and the doctors did not think I had any chance to live. I was taken away from my parents straight away, and put in intensive care for the next ten days. My parents’ church was notified and began praying and interceding for my life before the Father, and Father heard their prayers and acted. The next day my parents were told that I had a chance of living, but that if I did I would be a complete vegetable.

The church kept on praying for me throughout this whole time, and day-by-day for the next ten days, my condition improved. From near death, to a definite vegetable, to mentally retarded, all the way to the point where the doctors sent me home saying that I will live but develop slower than the rest of the children my age.
They were wrong again; God completely healed me.

I grew up in the church being taught about Jesus and having a relationship with God. As the pastor’s son I did my best to live up to the expectations that often seem to come along with that position. However, my life as I was living it was the very essence of a lukewarm love for, and relationship with Christ.
My personal times with God were nonexistent. I knew of my God, but I didn’t actually know him. I knew all the answers to the Bible questions and was looked at as a role model for the rest of the youth around me, but the position of my heart before my Father did not reflect what I tried to display.

I ended up falling deeply into addictions with pornography, which I struggled with for a long time. My heart was rotting inside as I was attempting to keep up a good image. I fell deeper until I thought there was no escape for my addictions. No matter how hard I tried, I would always fall time and time again. I began hearing the voice of Satan in my life saying that I would never live up to being a man of God, that I wasn’t worthy, and that I would never be free so therefore I should stop trying. I believed him. A great spirit of self-condemnation came over me and controlled my thoughts for many years. I started believing that it was God telling me these things, and as a result I became incredibly depressed and fell away from the Lord.

I went day to day knowing that God was the person I needed, but feeling that he was disappointed in me. I heard all these things from other people about how God is merciful, loving, full of grace and compassion, and that he is a helper who loves me and keeps no record of my wrongs; yet I had built up an image of God being a God who would not meet, encounter, or basically have anything to do with me unless I first fixed 1, 2, and 3.
I knew who my God was supposed to be, he just wasn’t.

God never let me go, though. Even when I was living my life not thinking about him and just going through the Christian motions, he was moving in my life. Time after time, God set me up and kept beckoning me towards him. God took me through the wilderness where I had to rely on God more than I had ever done before. I had to rely on him for the life of my parents, for my house, my ability to stay in school, even for food. God forced me to rely on him and to begin to ask him for things, and he spoke to me. God presented me with situations just so that he could show how he was faithful. I was getting a glimpse of the God I’ve heard about. When my life was out of control I cried out to the Lord and asked him to take care of me, and he did. God showed me that he was not the accuser in my mind, and that I had put boxes around who he was. I asked him to break them down at any cost, and I felt like I heard him ask, “Are you sure?” As soon as I replied yes, God started breaking down my walls.

God showed me who he was by cancelling every wrong thought I had about him one at a time. When I would think that he was disappointed in me, he would send someone with a prophetic word or a bible verse saying how he is pleased in me. That he is happy with me. That he delights in me every day.

When I asked him to speak to me something new, he took that invitation and ran with it: I did not trust myself with hearing God any more, because of how I would always get his voice confused with the accuser’s voice and my own. When I asked God to take that away and speak to me again, he sent people to pray over me for prophecy and the ability to discern voices in my head. Suddenly I could hear the Father’s voice and feel his heart like I never could before! It was refreshment like I had never breathed before in my whole entire life. When I asked him for the gift of tongues out of the desire to grow closer to him, he released my self-conscious voice to speak and sing in the spirit. I asked him to use me, and situations started arising left and right with opportunities to share the love of God, pray with, or prophecy over people.

One thing at a time, God started revealing to me his real personality. As I fell more in love with God, God demanded more of me. He floored me, saying that he desires to have ALL of me, every day, all the time. I did not know how that was possible, because for the first time I understood what that meant. As I asked him for direction, God introduced me to the Forerunner and Nazarite calling, along with the Numbers 6 passage. God moved me from a place of in sin, with a lukewarm passion at best, not even knowing the God I was worshiping, and feeling like God could never use me, to a place of being enthralled and in love with a God that I have a personal relationship with. A God who loves me and has caused me to fall over my head in love with him. One who is demanding my whole life and heart. All my affection.

I have learned that I live under the Romans 7 and 8 doctrine; that I am a sinner, but I am a sinner living under God's grace, instead of the law. My earthly life and eternal life have both been literally saved by the Father's love for me, and now I live in a spirit of thankfulness to him for it. I am a prodigal son who now lives with a single eye to glorify his redeemer, and striving to introduce people to him.

God bless,
~Jeshua David Frederick

My Future Wife...

2009-03-31T12:24:00.001-07:00

Looking in your eyes, I can see straight through
to your heart, and there I know
That you are mine.
And that every little thing,
Is gonna be alright.
It'll be alright.

Smiling when you smile at me
I can't help it cause you smile, contagiously
At least for me, and I know
That every little thing is gonna, turn out fine.
It'll turn out fine.

I'll never have to wonder,
Never have to worry 'bout,
You and I.

You and I...

Cause when the rain starts pouring down,
And the tide starts picking up
Oh you know that we won't budge,
You know that we will stand.
Cause we plant our feet on rock,
Not in the sand.
Not in the sand...

And I know,

That when life's rising up to beat us
I know it won't defeat us.
Cause when you've got what we've got, what we've got
Ya can't let it go,
Ya can't let it go

And I know

That while you're standing over there,
Wind blowing in your hair, your heart
Is over here with me.
And so I'll never have to doubt
When the rain is pouring down,
Where your heart will be.
Oh where your heart will be...

And I can never know 100 percent,
If the sun will shine my way again.
And I will never know if the winds that blow
Will always spare my house and home,

But I know.

Yeah I know, that I know, that I know, that I know
Where your heart lies.
And looking in your eyes..
Looking in your eyes,
I can see you love me.

So I'll count the blessings I have today,
And thank my God for sending you my way.
Cause there ain't no way this would be true,
Without him guiding us on through.

And I can't begin to say, how thankful I am
To know he has us in his hand.
And to know he's always watching,
Over me and you..
So Lord, I thank you; For blessing me this way...
For this love, and the lessons,
And the growing, you've had me do.

I want to say thank you for
The girl right there
With the wind that's blowing through her long brown hair
And the smile that says she's happy,
To be here.

I want to thank you for how,
Looking in her eyes
I can tell she loves
That I'm her guy.

And God I pray that way, it'll stay,
As long as you want it to..

I pray I'll never take for granted
The blessing she is to me
And I pray I'll never hurt her
Oh Lord please let it be.

I pray you'll help me comfort,
Help me encourage,
Help me be a man.

Help me understand.

Help me to discern the jealousy,
Let it have no power over me.
And help me live with loyalty,
To trust she'll do the same for me.

Let me always be patient,
Always be kind,
And never to boast when it's tempting.
Let me always build up,
Never tear down,
Not think about myself gaining.

Help me never keep record,
Of when I've been wronged,
And always rejoice in the truth.
Help me protect, help me trust
Help us persevere, and live
With love, how you want us to.

I pray for many more times, where the sun will shine
And where the nights are clear for dancing,
Beneath the stars.
With transparent hearts.

I pray for days of comfort, I pray for days of peace
I pray for days enjoying her, being here with me.
Oh Lord let it be.
Lord let it be.

Prophetic Worship

2009-03-03T21:48:00.001-08:00

This just speaks to me so much...I can't help but post two blogs in one day =).

I pray to be this anointed in my worship and even more.

I want to be able to sing God's word and heart to his children and speak his presence over a room.

I know it's not about me, but I want God to use me to make himself known and tangible.

Ginosko

2009-03-03T15:56:00.000-08:00

Ok so it has been a while since I last blogged...about half a year apparently. I know, I'm sorry, it's a problem. I don't even really know who reads these if I'm going to be serious.

Basically I have been changing...it's a rough process, but oh so worth it when the Lord breaks through. It's up and down because I still fall a lot, and it kinda gets me down. I mean, I know that the Lord wants me to get up, apologize, and keep pursuing him...but it's a bit harder than that for me to get past it myself. I guess I hold myself to a pretty high standard. In some ways it's dumb because I'm human and make mistakes, but then again, I know I'm capable to be just about all that I have my sights set on...it's still a ridiculous challenge though.

Many many ups and downs. One time I'll be in hot pursuit of God and experiencing him, and then however long later I'll fall again. Does this happen to everyone? I wanna just move past it. I'm 100% sincere when I say that all I desire is for the Lord to be tangibly here, and present in my life...to make me who he wants me to be...and I'm acting on that more now and with more passion and desire than I have ever before in my life......but I still find ways to complicate things. I know I can't be perfect...I just wish I could come close to being close to being almost half way to being close to being....well you get it.

Psalm 27:4, Jude 1:24, and Ezekiel 36:26 have been the passages I have been relying on.

I just want God, sometimes he feels so close but right out of reach, other times he feels distant, but I want him to be HERE and know him.

Not just like...intellectually....but like...how do you say it...

the Greek word is ginosko....with those little - symbols over the o's.

it means "to know through experience; to perceive through the senses." I want to know him through experience.

Restless

2008-10-15T16:55:00.000-07:00

One charade after the next facade
The realness dissolved into paradox
I, am not satisfied.
Another skit, another script,another line, another "where is the truth?"

Another hope, another fall
Another look, another "what to believe?"
Another,
"Believe in who?".

I don't just want to see it
I want to feel the truth
Can't stand to reconcile this
Lord I am restless for you.

Progress? Possibly?

2008-08-13T21:10:00.000-07:00

So I've finally started making a real effort to memorize scripture.
With everything going on in my life, I've found it to be really empowering.
It's nice.

I feel like I'm finally on my way to becoming who God wants me to...sorta.
It's still in the very early beginning stages, but at least it's there.
I'm finally making real effort outside of high times like Freshwind in Toronto or the Engram youth retreat at my church.

I still have a bunch of stuff I have to work out of my life..a purification process I guess, that I know has to happen and I'm working on, but it's...fighting back I guess.
But the difference is that at least now I'm really trying harder than I have in the past.

I've memorized a good deal of verses in the past bit...

James 1:19 ~ Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry

James 4:8 ~Come near to God, and he will come near to you

John 13:14-15 ~Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet; so should you wash one anothers feet. For I have set an example for you, that you should do as I have done for you.

Proverbs 24:3 ~Above all else, guard your heart, for it effects everything you do.

John 3:16-17 ~For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whom so ever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. For God came into the world not to condemn the world, but to claim it as his own.[some versions say: "but to save the world through him"](yes, I already knew verse 16, but I didn't know 17)

and then in Psalm 144 it says "Joyous are those who put their trust in the Lord our God."

so...a good start I think...we'll see how it goes.

So Many Changes

2008-07-19T21:12:00.000-07:00

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Blessed be the man who perserveres under trial, for once he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him.
~James 1:12
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This verse has really been on my mind lately. Besides being my favorite verse, it's really been something I've had to hold on to. So many things have happened...my parents looking for a new job pastoring...forcing us to move to most likely either Ohio or California.
I've been asked how important it is for me to complete highschool at my current one...If I say YES, that it is important....then it's possible that my dad and sister would move to California and I'd stay here with my mom for the school year and then we'd move out there too....but I don't want to split up the family for that time..while at the same time I don't want to leave where I'm living now.
That's just one of the many things I'm facing...
I have to lead worship for the church we're leaving in a week's time....
It's hard.
I'm tired of perservering...so it really makes me hope that crown of life is worthwhile...which I assume it is...
but it still feels like I'm at the point where I have to hope it is, instead of just knowing it is...

I don't know....so many changes...
I don't want to just have to "deal" with it...or "get by"
...I want to actually be living...but living is hard with all this going on
...I guess that's why that "crown of life" sounds so attractive and appealing right now.

IF

2008-06-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

IF you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

IF you can trust yourself when all men doubt you

But make allowance for their doubting too,

IF you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

IF you can dream--

and not make dreams your master,

IF you can think--

and not make thoughts your aim;

IF you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

IF you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

IF you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

IF you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

IF you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,

IF neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

IF all men count with you, but none too much,

IF you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Every Blessing and Curse is a Choice Now.

2008-04-05T20:07:00.000-07:00

Ya know... I just want to take the people I care about most and go on a perfect vacation. Even if it's just like...a day long trip to the beach. Cause when you're with people that you love... "life is different. Time doesn't move hour to hour, but mood to moment. We live by the currents, plan by the tides, and follow the son."...I consider the people close to me to be my treasures. Each person is precious to me. I value all of them greatly...but I've never felt like I've been able to express it well enough...or maybe I just didn't take the time enough to show it.

I'm changing that now.

I have this problem..that sometimes I think people really take me for granted...I KNOW people do...and it really drove me insane. I like being consistant...I like helping people, and because I like being consistant, I do it whenever I can....but often times I feel like people just kind of get used to it...like with worship. Before, when I first started leading worship, people would come up to me and tell me that I did a really good job....but now that I've been doing it for a while...it's like people start to assume that I don't need or want to hear that any more..so it stopped. I love to feel needed, I love it when people come tell me "good job" or anything like that...but after a while of being consistant it just got to the point where I felt like I wasn't being appreciated any more..that what I was doing had changed from a blessing, to something that was..expected of me....and it really got me thinking...Do the people around me feel the same way I do?...and...I knew the answer was probably yes.

I'm almost 100% sure that everyone gets to a point in their life where they don't feel appreciated..and they all have probably wondered this exact same thing...and so I made a decision that I'm going to go up to people and purposefully bless them.

Everybody wants to be needed. Everybody loves to be loved. I'm trying to let people who I need know that they're needed, people that love know they're loved, and people that I really appreciate know that they're appreciated. I decided that I'm going to try to establish a new habit for myself to bless people or compliment them at least once whenever I talk to them. It's an unusually hard habit to get rolling, but I'm working on it. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mean that as soon as I see someone I'm just going to be like "you look nice today" and then go up to the next person and say the same thing. I'm going to give a sincere compliment or blessing every time..one that's well thought out. Sometimes that might be a: "you look nice today", but it's going to be sincere..not just...throwing them around.

John C. Maxwell describes his approach as the 30-second rule. That you compliment or bless someone within the first 30 seconds of talking to him or her.

I haven't exactly gotten to that level yet, but I've started...and it's amazing how..blessed people actually get...just by taking aside a few seconds to just bless people...compliment them...it doesn't take long, doesn't take much, but it can change someone's whole day around...I've found that I love blessing people...you might be thinking "yeah, no duh Jeshua, it's supposed to work that way..you bless others-you feel blessed. old news."..but then why doesn't everyone do this?? It's old news but still hardly anyone does it...and now that I've started...I can really impact a person's life. People will even start to appreciate ME because I am telling them that I appreciate THEM. Go figure.

It would be nice if people came up to me and did this to me more often...but for now...if that doesn't happen, I'm ok. I absolutely love blessing people. It's addicting. I love being able to make someone's day. Even if I don't make their day, I love being able to make them smile.

It's not even hard...it's not like I'm killing myself like "ugh come ON! why can't I THINK of anything, I have to do this!". Not at all. I'm not making things up to bless people..cause then I wouldn't be honest. I simply ask myself what I like about that person, what do they add to my life?, why am I glad they're around?, what special qualities do they have?....it's always stuff I already think about...it's just that now I'm actually TELLING people what's in my head...and it really makes them happy....and that...my friends...

is priceless.

Deuteronomy 11:26 - "Look, today I am giving you the choice between a blessing and a curse." (NLT)

...now...I have a suggestion...how about we choose to be a blessing.

Life Just Goes On...or does it?

2008-03-31T20:27:00.000-07:00

Ok so...my second post on this blogger site.. has to do with how sometimes life just seems to go on..like some sort of...journey...and I'm just along for the ride.
Am I the only one who feels like that?

Sometimes honestly I just find myself riding in the car staring out the window and I see all the cars and everybody..everything passing me by. Sometimes it's hard to believe that everyone actually has their own life as well....I know they do..but sometimes it just feels like it's me..only me. Almost like a sort of...Matrix movie-type world where I'm living in my own separate world.....and I'm just...there.
Just a sort of puppet in the sense that I feel like sometimes I'm just going through the movements of life instead of actually living.

Steven Curtis Chapman worded what I'm feeling pretty much exactly to the point in his song "More to this life". He uses the phrase "Life just goes on." at the end of the verses and that's EXACTLY how I feel right now. No matter what happens...life just..goes on. Sometimes it feels like I've been left behind.
There's no "pause" or "rewind" button to use...no matter how badly I feel like I need or want one. Through anything and everything...life just goes on.

I'm living my life as a Christian teenager...a junior in a public high school...and no matter what happens life just keeps moving. Days go on past...new days come...and new days go. An inescapable cycle...an undisputed phenomenon of life...but one that I wish I COULD escape. I need something more to my life.

..All other Christians reading this are probably thinking the same thing I am right now...I just need more of God. And I know that's supposed to be the answer...or that it IS the answer..but I almost feel like I just don't know how to do it. What do I have to do to get there? I'm missing SOMETHING and I know it...and I also know it's something very..extremely important....otherwise I wouldn't feel like this.

There must be more than what I have...and I'm desperate to find it.

I'm tired of just going through life feeling like...like I'm just..THERE. It seems like everything is just going on..moving on...I'm getting older with time...time gets older in respect to itself and closer to coming to an end as to start a beginning of life relative to eternity instead of infinity.. and no longer to definite start-finishes...and all I do during this "time" passing me... is stare out a window feeling absolutely pointless.

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"There's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me..." ~Stacie Orrico

" But there's more to this life than living and dying,
More than just trying to make it through the day;
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,
And there's more than this life alone can be."
~Steven Curtis Chapman
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I feel like I'm in the middle of a "live-die" cycle...just trying to make it through a day...even though I'm not chasing down all these temporary highs...sometimes it feels like I'd get more out of life if I did...but I know that's not the truth, so I just hope the truth finds me.

I'm missing some aspect of my relationship with God..or SOMETHING...and right now I basically feel like my life is pointless.

I don't feel like I've had ANY impact ANYWHERE, on ANYONE. I need a point..a reason...I need something to happen so that I'm not just here..but so I'm actually living.

Have I made any impact at all?

Wise Words/ Serenity Prayer

2008-03-26T14:10:00.000-07:00

"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference."
~ Reinhold Niebuhr.
This is a section of a poem/ prayer entitled the "Serenity Prayer" by Reinhold Niebuhr. With a bunch of different situations arising in my life right now, coming across this piece of literature was...I hardly even know how to describe it...but I'm grateful that I stumbled on it.
It was a much needed reminder to the mindset that I need to be having about events in my life. Sometimes I just try to take too much control over everything myself...sometimes when I don't even know what I'm talking about...and that's when things fall even farther apart. Yet, it's still a lesson easily taught, but difficult to recieve or apply...even after being learned. For some reason...I try to do what I don't know how...because of untrust for even the people that do know. Which is another thing I have to be working on.
Whenever things go wrong...whether with me, or other people...I want to be able to fix it. But...some of the times I can't...No. Scratch that. A LOT of the time I can't. But I still try..which can sometimes be a good thing...but other times, I just end up driving myself crazy and I end up getting hurt in some way because of it...That's where this prayer comes in.
Sometimes I need that serenity to accept things I cannot change...other times I need more courage to change things I can...but most of ALL, I do just need the wisdom to truly, honestly tell the difference.
...on a random side note...I think that when I get married and have kids..I want to name one of my daughters "Serenity".
I think that would be a good name for a girl.
Serenity.